1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
2. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally,
but they hung around on expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now,
compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those
people are all over you. I say, let's put Blockbuster in charge of
3. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday.........lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an
6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.
7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about
a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men
is they're a bunch of liars.
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred
quid, and a substantial tax cut saves you 30p?
11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is
another theory which states that this has already happened.
14. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end
and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
15. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.